Mood:  blue
Now Playing: Kenny Chesney "Young"... ya ya my grad song... feeling a little lonely i guess
feeling a little lonely
feeling a little left behind
they're laughin, they're partying
she tries to act like she don't mind

but she's feeling lonely, a little too much
and she's feeling loved, a little too little
she's stretching those fingers for their hands
but they refuse to meet her in the middle.

so i think i figured out exactly why i've done what i've done in the past. i fucked up every single friendship i ever had... i never did it on purpose, or thought I did anyway. I just would always do something or let something get to me so much that it was impossible to look at those people the same. lately it's not like that though, i'm not disappointed in people or reading too far into their flaws... i'm fucking it up. i'm doing things i know will ruin it all because i know i am going to be left behind and i figure if they have a reason to leave me maybe it won't hurt so bad. it won't just be like they don't care about me, it'll be like they can't care. i'm so angry at my friends for moving away that i have to jeopardize all the years we've been building these awesome friendships just so i can feel like i deserve to be left. that's why i'm still doing shit with the guy that almost broke my best friend and me apart...that's why i'm not calling some people, or why i'm talking behind their backs knowing that one day they'll find out. i'm bitter, and i need to stop. i need to realize that everyone has to grow up... they have to follow their dreams, and sometimes even their family across the country. they aren't doing it to hurt me. they aren't leaving me behind because they don't love me... it's just life. and i know all of this. i'm not stupid, i know that, but it hurts so bad sometimes that i convince myself that i'm to blame...that i wasn't ever enough. cause really was i?