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My Piece of Paradise
30 Things Guys Should Know About Girls

guy. after years of experience.

1.Whatever you do, don't just show up at their
house...they run around in their underwear just like
we do.

2. DON'T CHEAT ON THEM. It may seem foolproof, but
girls tell each other everything about everything.
Trust me, they WILL find out and you will be mud.

3. Beware of every single male relative and all guy
friends. Any of them would kick your ass at the drop
of a hat, and a lot of them wouldn't even wait for the
damn hat.

4. Never miss an opportunity to tell them they're

5. Don't refuse to kiss in front of your friends. If
they laugh at you, it's because they're jealous.

6. If they slap you hard, you deserved it.

7. Don't be afraid to touch them if you want to. If
they're going out with you in the first place, it's
because they like being in your arms.

8. If you don't sleep with them, do not tell your
friends that you did.

8.5 If you DO sleep with them, don't tell your friends
that you did.

9. You can be dirty minded in private, really...most
of them are not offended by it...

10. Not all of them eat like birds, a lot of them can
eat like whales.

11. Most of them don't mind paying half of everything,
but they do discuss these things with their friends.
Realize that if you make your girlfriend pay half all
the time, everyone will know about it and your friends
will know you're a pussy..

11.5 Do you honestly need all your money that much? Be
a man, pay all the time!

12. Every girl should eventually get three things from
her boyfriend- a stuffed animal, one of his
sweatshirts, and a really pretty ring. Even if it's
not a serious relationship.

13. Make sure she gets home safely as often as you
can. If you're dropping her off, walk her to the door.
If you aren't dropping her off, call to be sure she's
home safely.

14. If a guy is bothering her, it is your right to
beat the shit out of him.

15. If you're talking to a female friend of yours,
pull your girlfriend closer.

16. Never, ever slap her, even if it's just in a
joking way. Even if she swats you first, and says,
"Oh, you're so dumb" or something, never make any
gestures back.

17. Go to a chick flick once in a while. She doesn't
care whether you enjoy it or not, it just matters that
you went.

18. You're dead meat if you can't get along with their
pets, parents, and best friends. Be prince charming to
their friends, Mr. Polite to their parents, and make
sure to be nice to their animals.

19. Don't flirt with their moms...that's just freaky.

20. Don't be freaked out by PMS. It's not gross, and
it really does make them feel like shit, so be

21. If you don't like the way they drive, you do it.

22. If you're officially dating, and you're
introducing her to your friends, you'd better damn
well introduce her as your girlfriend.

23. Don't stress where you go for every date. They
really only want to be with you.

24. If they complain that something hurts, rub it for
them without being asked.

25. Girls are fragile. Even if you're play
fighting/wrestling, be very gentle.

26. Memorize their god damn birthdays. You forget her
birthday and you're basically screwed for life.

27. Don't marinade the cologne, but smell good.

28. Don't give her something stupid for her birthday
or Christmas or Valentine's day. It doesn't have to be
expensive, but it has to be meaningful. Jewelry is
always nice.

29. If you think the relationship isn't going to last,
don't wait to find out. It will only hurt you more if
you draw it out.

30. After you've been dating for a while, realize that
they really have started to trust you. When you have a
girlfriend who truly trusts you, you have a lot more
responsibility, privilege and control than you would
think. Be careful with it, most guys would kill for
that kind of power, and it can be lost in a nanosecond.

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